So I have to tell you: while I’m super excited still, some of the … thrill??… has worn off and changed into paranoia.  I want you so bad.  I want to be a Mom more than anything in this world.  But a part of me is TERRIFIED. 

I’m not afraid of being a bad mom or anything; I’m not afraid of what you’ll be like when you’re a teenager; I’m afraid of something going wrong between now and March.  I’m terrified at times but I’m doing my best to push that anxiety out.

I *believe* this is it, little one.  I *believe* you’re my gift, my blessing.  And those feelings are the ones I try to focus on.  But sometimes the ugly stuff – the fear – comes up, too.

I can’t bear the thought of “what might happen” other than you being born in 9 months.

That being said, today has been another really good day.  I slept like a rock – despite having to get up to pee a couple times.  Food is going down just fine … oh and that’s GOOD food, I might add (it’s really amazing how *easy* it’s been for me to eat good, healthy food since confirming you’re in there for me to take care of).  Energy is up again – compared to last week.

I was feeling a little off around lunch so I went to lay down and wouldn’t you know it? I fell right to sleep and the next thing I knew the alarm on my cell phone (gee, I wonder if cell phones will still exist when you can read this) was going off.  I guess I was more tired than I thought.

I still have a cough – dry and hacking – of which your daddy really wants me to get checked out.  It’s been over a week.  I told him it wasn’t so bad today, and it’s not, but if it’s still here tomorrow, I’m off to see the doctor about it.  I promise to do whatever I can to make your time inside me most enjoyable. :)

My boobs are more tender today…it’s funny because yesterday I *thought* they weren’t sore until I took my bra off and then BAM! did they hurt. Hehe. It’s OK, little one.  Because I know they’ll feed you when you’re born and I will relish in the pain until then.

We’re at 5 weeks now.  I can’t wait for our appointment in two weeks from yesterday… we should hear the heartbeat and I think I will become calmer after that.

Wow, is this a trip.  A great, fantastic trip.